Dear Diary,
Ok so we were arguing; which is not something that is uncommon for us because we seem to be just as much alike as we are different. so we tend to stay at odds more than we'd like, but it was different this time. & then you said "I wish you well, no hard feelings" and each word hit me separately and stung like peroxide being poured over an open wound. The thought of not having him and the thought of it being so easy for him to no longer want me, almost made me sick. There I was at my desk fighting back tears as a lumped formed in my throat that I was forced to swallow. Suddenly the room got cold and my skin was covered in goosebumps as I thought of what to text back. Do I play it cool and and send the same greeting back, or ditch my pride and fight for you? I chose option 2, I'm putting it all on the line because what do I have to lose? And I've always been told that if you want something you've never had you have to do things you've never done. I've never had a healthy relationship & this is one of the things I want most. I never put my pride in the backseat & the unapologetic lover in me often times suffers because of it. I apologized, took accountability and told you I would work on my flaws; all things I've never done but they felt so right to do. I want to be his peace, because he has so much he's deals with on a daily basis being that he's such a respectable man amongst our peers. He's the go to guy, but I've become his go to girl, & I love that. So I kept texting, throwing up all my feelings as a result of this emotional hangover, and as upset as he was he kept responding. Passion surged through our phones as our fingers typed messages of understanding that were being lost in translation. But for some reason the conversation just wouldn't stop no matter how many times he told me he was done & the more I typed the further my pride slipped away from me, there I was fighting for a man & I was not even aware that I was capable of throwing a punch. & as i sit in my bed typing this, rereading the infamous text messages & reliving the moment like a repetitive deja vu; i smile, because today I realized that I love you.
